Introduction
Do you have any ideal hopes for the future, such as how many children you want to have? I’m sure many people have their own hopes, such as “I want to raise an only child with care” or “I want to have lots of children and spend them together.”
However, since children are a gift, there may be cases when you are unable to have a child as you would hope, or you may choose to give up due to economic or environmental factors.
In this article, we will delve deeper into the ideal number of children and the reality, based on information from domestic surveys and other sources.
How many brothers and sisters do you actually have?
According to statistics, Japan’s birth rate in 2016 was 1.44.
The total fertility rate shows the average number of children born to women aged 15 to 49, regardless of whether they are married or unmarried, but the birth rate does not tell us the number of brothers or sisters. However, by looking at the statistics on the number of completed births to married couples, we can get an approximate idea of the number of brothers and sisters a couple will have.
The completed birth rate for married couples is the average number of births for couples whose marriage duration is 15 to 19 years. In other words, it refers to the final average number of births for married couples. The completed birth rate for married couples in 2015 was 1.94, and has been below 2 since 2010.
The statistics showed that 18.6% of families had one child, 54.0% had two, 17.9% had three, and 3.3% had four or more. For couples whose marriage duration was 0-4 years, the average number of children per family was 0.78, and for those whose marriage duration was 5-9 years, the average was 1.59.
On average, the most common households have two children.
Ideal number of children
According to a survey conducted by the Cabinet Office in 2009 targeting 10,054 internet-registered monitors aged 20-49, the most common answer to the ideal number of children was “two” at 55.1%, followed by “three” at 26.7% and “one” at 5.6%.
Furthermore, when asked about the number of children they intend to have, the most common answer was “two” at 44.8%, just like the ideal number of children, followed by one at 16.1% and three at 11.5%.
Reasons for wanting more than two children
From these results, it seems likely that many people want to have two children. What are the reasons for wanting more than two children?
I want to give you a sibling.
The reasons for wanting two children seem to include the fact that as an only child, “there will be no one to play with on a daily basis,” “there will be no one to consult or cooperate with in the future,” and “the burden of caring for one parent will fall on one person.”
Additionally, the results of a 2014 Meiji Yasuda Research Institute survey on childbirth and child-rearing among people in their 20s to 40s show that the “ideal number of children” has been increasing since the disaster. This could be due to the increased awareness of family ties following the disaster, which has led to statistics showing that two or more children are ideal. In fact, having brothers and sisters allows children to play with each other during infancy, which seems to be a great help to parents in many situations.
Playing and talking with others is a very important part of a child’s development. Having brothers and sisters allows children to have experiences such as relying on older children and sometimes fighting. It can be difficult for adults such as parents and grandparents to build such a relationship on their own. For this reason, having children of the same age who can create a “children’s society” on a daily basis is a great advantage.
Also, having brothers and sisters who grow up in the same environment makes it easier to empathize and share feelings and hardships. For example, if both parents work, the feeling of loneliness is alleviated, and if something were to happen to a parent in the future, they can help each other by spreading out not only their feelings but also their hardships and burdens. Everyone has probably experienced situations where they could only consult or rely on other family members.
From my own experience
Also, looking at the statistics on the number of completed births per couple, before 2005, the majority of couples had 2-3 brothers/sisters. Therefore, I think that many people in their 20s and 30s who are of childbearing age now have brothers/sisters. Some people feel that “because I had brothers/sisters, I want my children to have the same number of children.”
Although parents and children are different people with different personalities and live different lives, people feel that they want to have brothers or sisters because of their own upbringing and experiences. Many only children feel that they wish they had brothers or sisters because their living environment influenced their personality. Some people also hope to have more than one child when they become parents, because they were shy as an only child and didn’t feel uncomfortable being spoiled by adults.
I want to raise a child of a different gender than my first child.
Rather than wanting a second child, some people may want to try raising a child of a different gender. Also, some people may feel that they want to raise a child of a different gender than their first child, or that they want a child of both genders, while raising their first child.
Many people place importance on the gender of the child. However, nowadays, an increasing number of medical institutions have adopted a policy of not disclosing the gender of the fetus until birth. This is to reduce the risk of choosing an abortion due to gender.
However, I think that there are many people who have dreams like, “Even when we grow up, I want to be able to go on trips or go shopping together as a mother and daughter,” or, “I want to play catch with my father and son and share drinks together.”
Also, beyond the framework of parent and child, there are things that can only be shared between people of the same sex. For this reason, some families hope to have two or more brothers or sisters.
Reasons for wanting to be an only child
On the other hand, being an only child also has its advantages, so there are cases where people want to have an only child from the start.
Brothers and sisters don’t always get along
One reason is that having brothers and sisters does not necessarily mean they will get along. Even brothers and sisters can have personality conflicts, so if your family is doing well with one child, you may not want to have a second child.
There are also cases where parents are concerned about differences in academic ability between siblings.
Also, if there are siblings, there may be differences in who is better at studying or sports. In that case, even if the parents treat them equally, the atmosphere in the home may become unpleasant. On the other hand, an only child is not compared to siblings in that respect, and can have the love of their parents all to themselves and grow up in a relaxed environment. Some families choose to have an only child for this reason.
I want to give you plenty of love
When a second or subsequent child is born, there are times when the older child has to endure. Since parents only have one body, when another child is born, the time that they used to spend playing together is taken up by caring for the younger child, which can make the older child feel lonely. There are also cases where parents can’t bear to think about having a second child because they love their current child so much.
I want to give them a good education.
Nowadays, the cost of educating children is rising, with junior high school entrance exams becoming common. Due to the influence of globalization, many parents want to send their children abroad. In order to afford the cost of education, many families choose to have only one child.
Why you can’t have the number of children you want
What is the second wall?
Between 1982 and 2002, the percentage of one-child households was less than 10%, but since 2005, the number of one-child households has been increasing rapidly. The percentage of one-child households rose to 15.9% in 2010 and 18.6% in 2015.
For the reasons mentioned above, an increasing number of couples are choosing to have only one child, but there are also many families who envy families with multiple children but are unable to overcome the “second child barrier” and end up having an only child.
Balancing work and life
Working women may worry about whether they can leave their new children at the same daycare center as their older children, or if they change jobs, whether they can find a workplace that provides a comfortable working environment while raising children.
Some families may want their children to focus on child rearing until they start kindergarten. Given all sorts of circumstances, some families may be worried about whether they will be able to manage having a second child.
Burdens and risks of pregnancy and childbirth
Other obstacles to having a second child include the difficulties of pregnancy and the difficulties of childcare. During pregnancy, you may experience physical problems such as morning sickness, back pain, lack of sleep, and weight management, as well as worries about whether your baby will be born healthy and whether there will be problems such as miscarriage or premature birth.
For some people, the effects of gestational diabetes and pregnancy-induced hypertension may persist even after giving birth. Some women may give up work or experience difficulties in their daily lives because they were “healthy before giving birth but are unable to recover after giving birth.”
In addition, some women hesitate to undergo painless childbirth because they are afraid of experiencing the pain of childbirth again. Today, painless childbirth is gradually becoming more common, but it is still not common. Even if painless childbirth is performed, it is said that there are few cases where the childbirth is completely painless.
There is no such thing as a risk-free birth, there are always risks involved. For this reason, there are many cases where people think that one person is enough.
The burden of raising children
Raising one or two children is hard work. It is no easy task to become pregnant, give birth, and raise an older child while also caring for a newborn.
In addition, when thinking about the future of your children, you must also consider financial matters. It is said that it costs about 10 million yen to educate each child. As the number of children increases, expenses also increase, and the required annual household income also increases. In many cases, this means that both spouses will have to work, which then brings up the issue of balancing work and childcare.
For these reasons, it is not easy to consider having a second child.
Age-related factors, such as giving birth at an older age
Some people also think, “I want to have a second child or more depending on the age at which I give birth for the first time.” As people get married later in life, the age at which they give birth for the first time is rising, and at the same time, there are many people who say, “I can’t think about having a second child or more,” or “I can’t get pregnant easily.”
The probability of pregnancy is said to be about 30% up to the age of 25, about 18% at age 35, and about 5% at age 40. Considering that the average age for a woman to give birth for the first time is 30.7 years old, the current situation is that it is difficult to have a second or subsequent child.
It is known that giving birth at an advanced age not only makes it difficult to conceive, but also increases the chances of miscarriage, chromosomal abnormalities, and other disorders. NIPT (non-invasive prenatal testing) , which has been attracting attention recently, is a test that checks for chromosomal abnormalities, so if you are an older pregnant woman and have concerns, taking the NIPT test may be an option.
Furthermore, it is known that pregnancy complications such as pregnancy-related hypertension and gestational diabetes increase with advanced age. For these reasons, many women hesitate to have a second child.
summary
The results of a national survey show that many people want to have multiple children.
However, children are a gift, so they may not be born as hoped. Also, having more children means more fun, but the burden of raising them also increases.
Even if you don’t get as lucky as you’d hoped, having an only child has its own advantages, and having two or more has its own advantages. Don’t get too hung up on the number of children you want, but approach pregnancy and child-rearing with the mindset that you will love and cherish the children you do have.
【References】
- Meiji Yasuda Research Institute – Childbirth and child-rearing in the 20s to 40s, 2014
- National Institute of Population and Social Security Research – 15th Fertility Survey Part II Summary of Results of Marital Survey: Chapter 2 Fertility of Marital Couples
- Life Insurance Cultural Center – Life planning based on life events: “How many children do you want?”
- Cabinet Office – 2018 White Paper on Measures to Cope with the Declining Birthrate (Full version) (PDF version)
- Cabinet Office – Ideal and intended number of children
Article Editorial Supervisor
Dr Hiroshi Oka
NIPT specialist clinic, MD
Graduated from Keio University, School of Medicine
